Lost, Then Found.

This is not about what happened. This is about what I lost because of what happened. Last May, I lost so much more than just two friends. I had lost one of my closest friends who I had finally felt comfortable enough with to let my walls down around. I hadn't done that since I met Mark, and before that it had been a year with walls up. So I lost a friend who knew a whole lot about me. He was my safe place. I didn't think about anything bad when around him. His house was my safe haven, he was my escape. When things were going bad, wherever I was, I had him to count on. Him to go to. Him to hang out with and all the bad stuff just went away for that time I was with him. I lost so much more than just a friend. I lost so much more than anyone, except him, will even know.
I lost him for about a month and a half. I thought I lost him forever until I changed something. I decided to not let what happened effect our friendship. I knew it was too good for that. I pushed a lot of feelings aside and asked if he wanted to hang out. And then from there, we almost got back to how we used to be but it still wasn't the same. One night, it all just came out. I started telling him how I felt in May and what it all really meant from my side of things. I cried a little and kept thinking, "why am I even telling him all of this? Why do I trust him so much?" I still can't answer that question. One thing he said was "and I care about you!" That seemed to change so much for me. That night was a good heart to heart and I felt like we were a little bit back to normal.
A few nights later was when it all changed. He had said something to me that made me upset and so I just sat in his basement thinking for quite awhile. Then slowly I started letting things out. I talked for about two hours about EVERYTHING. Things that he only knows now. No one else in the world knows except for him. I cried a lot but in the end it felt so good to finally tell someone how I really felt about things. He just sat there quietly until I finished. When I was finished he kept saying "you're alright, you got this." Then he said "you have a lot of things going for you Melissa. Do you know that?" And everything else he said after that just let me know. I knew from that night on that I could tell anything to him and he wouldn't care. It wouldn't change anything between us. We might have different thoughts on some things but that doesn't change anything between us.
Now he is found. I had lost him but I decided it was time to find him. I don't know too much how he feels about me in this friendship but we know almost everything about each other. Things I would never ever think to tell people. Things I never thought I wanted someone to know about. But I guess I wanted him to know. And I'm okay with that.
Yesterday I called him my best friend without even thinking about it. And I'm okay with that too. Someone who you can tell anything to. Someone who cares about you and truly wants you to be so happy. Someone who will just come and give you a hug when you need it. Someone who will just sit for two hours and listen to you and watch you ugly cry. That's a best friend. And I found the one I lost. We are closer than ever now and I hope I never lose him again.