Awkward.

This isn't a post about me or anyone else being awkward. This is about the show awkward and me. In the show awkward, she has a blog and basically just writes about her awkward life and her hard decisions and nothing ever goes right for her because shes in high school and so on. Whenever I don't post my blog to facebook, it is usually because I don't want people to really read it, I just have to say things. Like Jenna does on awkward. So this is my Jenna post. Except I don't use specific names like she does.

I really need to learn to keep my walls up and not let them down so easily. I almost never have my walls up so I get hurt easily and often. I'm stupid. I haven't had too many boys who have fought for me until I gave in and let my walls down. And I've never put my walls back up since those boys. When those boys hurt me, I just wanted to find another guy best friend. I almost always have a  guy best friend because...well, because they aren't girls. (I could write another whole post on just that) But this is why I never put my walls back up. Because I want guy best friends. And then I start to like those best friends. And then they go on missions. And so I find a new one. And then...things happen. I have VERY few friends right now and they seem to be very hard to keep. So, back to my walls. Once they are down, I don't want to have to put them back up. I trust too easily and think too highly of boys. All boys, no matter who they are, will hurt you in some way. I have definitely learned this the hard way and still don't learn my lesson. So, from now on, I'm going to say my walls are up. (They probably won't be up for a long time but I'm going to tell myself that they are up.) I've wasted too many tears for too many boys that don't care about me. I care too much for my friends.







Also, I miss Mark. He has hurt me in the past but now we are best friends and now he makes me feel better about everything. Well not now, because he is in Columbia. But I miss Mark. I liked Mark. Mark is my best friend. My best friend.