Twenty Eight.

I believe today I turned in my 28th job application. I'm sort of losing track of them all but I think it is 28 now. I am not work study eligible which makes me really upset. My mom makes too much money, so I can't get a job. How does that makes sense? It doesn't. I'll save you from listening to me rant about that.

When I didn't get the director job and became an associate, I thought there was a reason for it. The reason I was thinking was so I could get a job during the semester. Then I got a prompting to take Biology 2 during the summer. I thought that reason was because there was a job waiting for me. Then I didn't pass Biology 2. Back to square one. But this was an easier decision. I'm not taking it in the fall. So now I have all this room for a job or something to do but I don't what for.

Some days I'm really upset about not finding a job and other days I am absolutely calm about it because there isn't a need to worry. There is a job waiting for me somewhere. But really, I have tried the hardest of anyone I know to find a job. I apply to at least 2-3 jobs a week it feels like. I just wish everyone looking for employees knew how hard I have been trying and how hard of a worker I am. Unfortunately, they can't know everything about you instantly. I am currently waiting to hear back from three jobs and hopefully I get interviews with them. Out of all the jobs I've applied to this summer, I have only had three interviews. Three. Can you believe that? And no, I am not only applying to on campus jobs. Most off campus jobs, I've applied to at least twice. I don't think I'm being picky about the jobs I apply to either. I just wish that God would tell me what I'm supposed to be doing. And I don't like people that think that I think that something is just going to land in my lap. If you know me and have been talking to me this summer then you know that I have been working my ace off to try to get a job before everyone moves down here and begins their search.

I will be so proud of myself for getting a job by myself and without knowing anyone. If I get a job that is.

All I'm saying is that I'm doing everything right so far...at least I think I am. And I'm putting work into it so God will help me out because I'm helping myself first. I don't have a doubt that something will come along and the reason will become clear as to why I haven't found a job yet or wasn't chosen to become a director. The only reason I can think of right now is to make me frustrated and test my patience and understand which is what I asked for I guess. Be careful what you pray for guys, because God jumps to it when it comes to giving you new tests. That's for sure.

And now I have begun to ramble. The library closes in 10 minutes and I still don't have internet at my apartment. I have been living alone basically all summer and then I move into my new apartment and am there for a week with no thermostat, the dead bolt doesn't work, no TV, no cable and no internet. But thanks to me all of that is fixed and we will have keys to our mailbox. This summer has definitely been a journey, a struggle, a GIANT test and a pain. Second worst summer if I do say so myself. Maybe things will get better. I know they've got to. They just have to. I don't have luck on my side, that's for sure. I thank God for giving me the gift to work hard because that's all I've ever done. There isn't a moment where I'm not working my butt off for something. And I'm grateful for that because I know personally that nothing was ever handed to me.

Well, I guess I'm done rambling now.

I hate the word definitely.