Chasing the Light

So I got a call today that said I didn't get the job once again. This time I was at least a finalist and just wasn't picked because I didn't have enough experience with computer programs. She said "I don't think you'll have a hard time finding a job." I only wish that was true. That was the 24th job I have applied to here in Cedar during the summer. I'm really tired of getting no's.

So then I just broke down after the phone call and started crying. I had prayed and prayed for this. I know God has a plan but I wish I understood it because right now the plan seems to be for me to be unemployed my whole life. Anyways. I decided to just take a shower and cry in there. I went to turn on my music full blast and when I was looking at my playlists I found one that said "Forget" I don't remember EVER making this playlist. So I just played it while I was in the shower and all the songs were perfect. They seemed to speak to me. The lyrics were like conversations between me and God and how I was feeling and his response to it all. Here were some of the lyrics. I only got through half of the songs.

"Ask me now, my love will not fade through the fire and rain."

"Trying to make it work but man these times are hard." Got a new job now on the unemployment line and we don’t know how, how we got into this mess, it’s a gods test, someone help us cause we’re doing our best. Trying to make it work but man these times are hard."

"If you can’t hold on, hold on."

"You know you gotta help me out."

"You gotta believe in what you got. If you’ve got to cry then let it out. I need you to stay here with me, I don’t want you to leave."

"If you believe in what you got then maybe you’ll see, and maybe not."

"And there’s no time left for losing. When you stand, they fall."

"Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up."

"Every road that you find uncertain, pray for you now, that you figure it out. You keep chasing the light."

"I guess we’re all one phone call from our knees."

"We’re gonna get there soon."

"Crying in her room, praying Lord come through."

"Pull me out of the dark, just to show her the way. Crying out loud from so far away."

"I’ve always been with you here and now.  Give all that’s within you, be my savior."

They may not seem like anything but at that time they meant something to me, not to mention that I don't remember making this playlist at all.

And I know that once everyone gets to school in a few weeks they will all get a job really easily while I've been here working my butt off for one all summer. I don't know why things come so easy to others but they do and it is almost infuriating. I just have to prepare myself because I KNOW this is going to happen. That's why I really wanted this job or just a job before everyone gets here so it wouldn't bother me how easily it will seem that others will get a job. Oh well I guess.