Happy Are We, In Our Own World.

Play this song while you read this. On repeat if you'd like. I don't even know what the song means or is talking about but it makes me happy.

I would like to write some glorious blog that makes someone cry one day. This probably won't be it but I just thought I'd say that. I'm in a really weird writing mood right now actually so this will be interesting, jump around and may not make sense. Here we go.

I'm happy right now. I'm happy where I am in life. I'm happy with the decisions I've made throughout my life, including old and recent decisions. At this moment in my life, someone could tell me, "Melissa, you've made wrong or bad decisions." And I would say to them, "No, I've made the right wrong decisions that have made me who I am today." or "Maybe I did, but I've learned from them all and those 'wrong decisions' have eventually turned into right ones and made me a stronger person. Stronger than any of you could ever imagine." Right now, as I look back at all the decisions I've made, big decisions, I think to myself "I wouldn't change anything." That's the way life should be lived. Every decision I used to think was a bad one, I now think was a good one. It was a lesson I learned from in order to make a right one now. This is the way life works. We make bad decisions one year and then years latter the same decision comes up for us to make. We then will look back at that first decision and think, "am I going to do that again or make it better for myself this time around?"

This time around, as hard as it was for me, I made the right decision. Not the right wrong one. The right one. And I didn't make it alone. I was terrified to make the right decision and I was terrified to make the wrong one. I decided to fast multiple times, pray endlessly, read the scriptures often, get a blessing and read my patriarchal blessing daily. I wanted His decision more than anything in the world. I was giving myself over to the Savior and asking for me to know what He wanted me to do. I've never been more close to Him in my entire life. My head was cloudy for about a week about what to do. Even after doing all of the right things. I finally told Him what I was going to do and to pull me back if it was the wrong thing. I still haven't been pulled back and I have peace. I've never felt so happy before. Especially after making a decision such as this. I can only try to describe the feeling to you. Have you ever had a huge burden taken off your shoulders? Have you ever been in love with someone? Have you ever gotten a new puppy? Have you ever just felt free from everything? I have the burden of something (I don't even know what) off my shoulders. I am filled with love from and for the Savior. I feel like I have gotten a new life to start over or even continue and make better. I feel free, new and happy. It's so amazing. The feeling of getting an answer and knowing with your whole heart that it is the right one. The feeling of taking a leap of faith and knowing it was a leap in the right direction. I hope all of you get to feel this some day. Having your strength pushed, pulled, tried, and tested is definitely not an easy thing to do. Luckily for me, I've had it happen to me more times than I can count. There are very few who know all of those times and I'm more than grateful for those people. It is nice to know that people know and realize what I've been put through in my life. It's nice to have them know that my life hasn't been easy but I come out 50 times stronger every time. I'm one of the strongest people I've ever known. If I met myself, I would be my own role model. I would look up to myself. I'm not being cocky or whatever word that is, I just want people to know how much I've been put through. It's a lot. One person I really love is my friend Dani. During a recent trial I've been put through, she knew nothing that was going on and sent me a letter. Inside the letter she said "Meliss, I've always looked up to you because no matter what happens or how tough times get, you're faithful! You stick it out!" I just started crying because she reminded me of what I've done in the past, what I am going through now and how it will all pay off in the future. And it has. This feeling of being beyond happy is totally worth it.

When you've been at the bottom of the hill for a few years, the feeling of being at the top is the best feeling ever. It may only last for today, this week, or this month. But I don't care because this moment right now is worth it all. So to everyone who has or will or is going through a hard trial or hard times in life I just want to say, make yourself happy in your own life. "Happy are we, in our own world." It doesn't matter about anyone else. Ask for guidance from the Savior and then take that guidance and make yourself happy. It's very hard to not care about what other people will think about your decisions or how it will affect other people. But in your life, you are the only one that really matters. As one of my friends once said to me, "Live like you're living."

"Come what may, and love it."