Freaking freak man.

In the past month, I've opened my blog tab like 100 times but have never written anything even though I have a lot to say. I'm just never in the mood to write it all down because what is the point really? This is not a good happy "I love my life post." This is a "everything that could go wrong has gone wrong" post. Here are all the things wrong right now:

• My car is dead even though I have spent $700-$800 on it already.
• I need a new phone because its sound is all messed up.
• My eyes will never get better.
• I'm going to fail my math test on friday.
• I have to find a house and they are getting limited.
• I have to find a job but I can't drop off applications because my car is dead.
• I have to find a place to live for the summer.
• I'm nervous about not getting a director position.
• I need to make a resume but it will look like crap because i've only had one job.
• I need more pills but the insurance company is denying me for some reason.
• If I don't pass math then my whole graduation schedule will be messed up, not to mention I will be pissed.
• I feel like i'm losing myself rather than finding myself.

Basically I just feel like God won't give me a break on anything and I have no freaking idea why. I haven't done anything bad, I go to church, I pray, I'm generally a good person. What the heck is wrong?? I know he thinks I can handle these trials and crap thrown at me but I can't. I'm almost to the point of completely breaking. I already have a few times. I just want things to get better for once, but just when I think one thing is finally getting better, it gets worse and another thing is added. For pete's sake just give me a week that is good.

I'm just full of negativity right now and have been for the past few weeks. And especially today, I just hate everything. Everything is annoying. I usually love the rain but I hate it right now because I don't want to walk outside in it. I can usually do an art project but today I hate it and want to throw it away. I am usually motivated to study for 235709235 hours for math before a test but I feel like there is no point and I will fail anyways since last time I literally studied for 5 hours and got a D on the test. And got a D on my quiz the next week. After I got a D I just gave up. I even prayed about it and everything. I know people say "God knows what you can handle and he knows you can do it and he is there for you" blah blah. But really, where is God right now for me? I know it is horrible but I'm mad at God for doing this to me. I've done nothing to deserve it.

Freak man. a;sldeg rkhgua;lkfjga;lksjdfl;kajsf. okay.